Busy Busy Busy

Well, a few weeks ago, after only being in the new apartment for two months, I got word from the landlord that she is going to convert the duplex into a house for her daughter.
So I have to move. Again.
I went from being sad to angry to bitter, and now I'm still going through a little bit of all of those emotions, but I am trying my best to stay positive and turn this into a good thing.
I've been on the house search for a few weeks now, and it is not easy. Why is it that when I don't need to move, there are houses for rent all over the place, and now that I actually need one, I can't find one anywhere?
On top of having to pack/unpack all over again, working 40 hours, and trying to keep Oliver alive and fed, I have also been taking two classes online Microbiology and Spanish III. Micro is AWFUL. Science has never been my strongest subject.
Anyway, I've just been extremely busy and stressed out and upset and annoyed etc. etc. etc. but have been really trying to get back into blogging.
So I'm sitting here typing this nonsense while looking at a pile of clothes that need to be washed and a sink full of dishes and, yeah, I better go do that now.

Christmas 2013

Oliver and I had a great Christmas full of fun, food, and family.
The Sunday before Christmas, we had dinner at Papa and Keiki's house (my maternal grandparents), and had a wonderful time.
Laynee and Greyson had to go back home to Connecticut on Christmas Eve, so we opened all our presents the day before Christmas Eve.
Then on Christmas Day, we had dinner and opened gifts at my other Grandma's house.

This was my first Christmas living on my own (with Oliver), but I have to say, it was pretty great. I thought it would be sad being the only person to wake up and watch Oliver open presents on Christmas morning, but my parents came down the street to be with us. I am so fortunate to have such a wonderful family, and to be so close to them. I'd say this year's Christmas was a success.

Moving (on)

Well, we just finished the second move of the year. By we, I mean Oliver and me. Just the two of us.

After 2 years of marriage, Fernando decided it was time to call it quits. I'm not really sure what to say about it, because I'm not really sure how or what I'm feeling right now. I guess it's kind of a mixture of sadness and relief. Fear of being alone, but excitement for what the future may now bring. Being a single parent is not something I ever imagined I would be doing (although I'm sure very few people actually set out to be single parents), but I have to admit, I kind of like it just being the two of us. It's only been two weeks, but I feel like the bond between Oliver and myself is already getting stronger. I can't call on Fernando to fix him some juice or change his diaper, so I have no excuse to be a lazy mommy. And it's nice to be able to come home and not have someone constantly yelling at you, or complaining about what you did or didn't do. Sure, I have to pay all my bills alone now, but I still feel as if a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders.

I was lucky in that the duplex at the end of the street I grew up on opened up the weekend I wanted to move. I am only a few houses down from my parents, and the other six families on the street are people I grew up with. I am surrounded by friends and family, and I couldn't ask to be in a better place.

Oliver is adjusting very well to the new place. He loves to be able to walk or ride his tricycle right down the street to see Grandaddy and Yaya. And he actually has a yard for the first time!

He still asks for his daddy sometimes, which breaks my heart, because I'm not exactly sure how to explain it to him. But thankfully, Fernando and I are on good terms, and he still sees Oliver regularly.

Since I've been on my own, I've been very inspired to get back into the things I like to do, one of which being this blog. I also signed up for a couple of online classes at the community college. I still have no idea what I want to go for, but hey, it's a start. It feels good to be able to focus on myself and my son for a change, instead of always having to put up with the stress my relationship put on my. I finally feel like I can breathe again.

 



 

 Greyson and Oliver love hanging out in the new backyard :)

Thanksgiving in Seminary, MS

I know I haven't blogged in forever, and I know it's a little late to be blogging about Thanksgiving, but I have had a lot going on recently, which I will explain in a later post.

Laynee and Greyson are in town! They've been visiting for over a month, and we still don't know when she is going back. Last week, we took a trip up to Seminary, Mississippi to have Thanksgiving with the family. It is a cute and quiet little town, and it's where my grandmother was born. When we were little, we would go up to visit my great grandparents, run around the yard, and watch the trains go by. When my great grandparents passed, my great aunt moved into the house, and she has since redone it, and it is adorably old-fashioned. I love it. We had lunch with everyone I haven't seen in years, and reminisced on all the memories we shared in that house.

 

 

(P.S. Please ignore Oliver's silly homemade haircut and too-small coat.)

Sad Days

                This week has been one of the saddest weeks that I can remember. On Tuesday, I lost a dear friend, and the world lost a wonderful woman. After 17 months of fighting, cancer finally won the battle against our sweet Ina. We all knew it was coming, although that really doesn’t make it any easier.

 But as sad as it is, I think we all feel a sense of relief.

The hurt is over.

All the pain, struggle, worry, and false hope. There won’t be anymore. We won’t all have to wonder if a new kind of chemo will work, and we won’t have to be disappointed when it doesn’t. There won’t be any more bad news. 

She was ready to go. And it is comforting to know that she is finally at peace.

I worked with Ina for only seven months, but in that time she taught me a lot. Her positive attitude and upbeat spirit always amazed me. She knew she did not have much time left, yet she never let her fear show.

She was a woman who loved her job. As the president of our company put it yesterday at Ina’s “Celebration of Life Gathering,” it was the job she was made to do. She came in every morning at 6:30 to make coffee and be sure everything was neat and tidy and ready for the day, even though the office didn’t open until 8:00. And she never wanted to take a vacation. There was no place she would rather be. It is inspirational to know someone who absolutely loves what she does for a living. I hope that one day I might find a career which brings me as much joy as Ina’s brought her for 32 years.

                If anything, I have definitely learned to cherish my days here on Earth. Cancer is a horrible and tragic disease. It doesn’t always matter how healthy you are. It doesn’t matter if you’re black or white, short or tall, fat or skinny. It doesn’t matter how good of a person you were. It just shows up one day and flips your whole world upside down. And a lot of times, there’s nothing you can do about it.

                But maybe it is true that everything happens for a reason. And Ina’s life, though brief, was beautiful. She touched a lot of people and put smiles on the faces of so many. I know everyone at work is going to miss her so very much. I remember how she told my boss “You’ve gotta hire this one,” on the day of my interview, or how she greeted me every morning with a “Hey friend!” or how she liked to talk about all the good food she loved to eat. Or her bright blue nail polish. 

One of the many things I loved about Ina was that she was so easy to talk to. I felt like I could tell her anything, and she would really listen, and truly care. And when she talked, you wanted to listen. Even when she was telling of troubles in her life, she did so in a way that didn’t make you feel sorry for her, but instead made you admire her strength to knock down anything that stood in her way. So she could ultimately find her happiness.

And I think she found it. She found it in her work, in her friendships, and in her family. Oh, she loved her family. Her husband, John, made her so happy, and she loved her children and grandchildren so much. And you can’t forget her dog, Mr. Bailey. Ina was so full of love for everyone around her, just as everyone else was for her.    

I may not have known her for very long, but I feel so blessed to have had the time with her that I did.

                She was just such a loving and caring person. And I know everyone only has nice things to say about someone after they die, but I truly never had a bad word to say about her when she was alive, either. She was just an all-around wonderful person. And it isn’t fair for her to be taken away from us so soon. But I guess God wanted her up there with him. And as much as I know she would love to be at work right now, I know she is going to have a great time up there. Maybe God will give her a seat at the front desk of Heaven and little sign that says “Director of First Impressions” and she will welcome everyone with her sweet smile. 

I am so thankful that there finally will be no more suffering. 

She is flying with the angels.

Director of First Impressions

Why the fuck does cancer exist?
I mean, what is the point?
And why is it that I have to meet and befriend one of the sweetest people I've ever known, only to find out that she is dying of lung cancer?
Cancer is bullshit, man.
I don't really know what to say, but I know she is ready to go. But I'm not ready to say goodbye. None of us are. I've only known her for six months. Some of the people I work with have been good friends with her for 30+ years. We are not ready to let her go.
I swear I just keep thinking I'm gonna walk in the door to the office one day and she'll be sitting there, just like she always is. And she'll say "Hey, friend!" Just like she always does.
And how is it that people can be so strong?
How is it that someone who knows they are so close to death can be so positive?
I've never seen her sad. I've never heard her complain or fret or want anyone to feel sorry for her.
She has been so strong.
It is amazing. I admire her strength and faith more than anything, because these are precisely the two things I would have the very least of in her situation.
No, I haven't known her long, but I love her and I'm glad Oliver had the chance to meet her and I really hope that God lets us keep her at least a little bit longer.

Easter Weekend and Spring Photos

Easter weekend really wasn't much to speak of. On Sunday, Oliver and I dyed a few eggs with Natalie and then we went to my mom's for dinner. (I'm still eating leftover ham...)

Saturday, we went to Portrait Innovations and had some Spring pictures taken of Oliver. When we arrived to the studio, he was knocked out. We had to wake him up to take pictures, so he looks half asleep in the first few pictures. After that, we couldn't get him to sit still. But I still think they turned out pretty good.

Oliver is getting to be so funny. If you tell him he's cute (which I do, a lot) he says "I knooooow." (Emily taught him that.) He is also starting to tell people he's cute. (In case they couldn't tell :P)
He is also getting sweeter by the day. He says "I love you" now, which makes me melt. He also gives the BEST kisses.

I kind of wish we'd done an easter egg hunt or something, but I still think he is a little young to enjoy it. I (sometimes) can't wait for him to be old enough to enjoy things like that, and opening gifts on Christmas morning, etc.

Anyway, here's some of his Spring pictures!